A quiet mind

lazy dinner for a lazy girl

My sister emailed me to remind me that I haven't posted here in a long time. She's right. So, I creaked open the blog box, wiped away some dust, and discovered a few drafts I never published. It's lazy, true. But, I think we've established pretty well that I'm lazy. Well, I'm lazy about eating right and working out.

Aw hell. Let's be honest. I would choose a nap on the couch over pretty much anything. Tonight, I have a bunch of work to do so I plopped on the couch with some Annie's Mac and Cheese with frozen peas and arugula. A whole pile of non-local. All in one bowl. That I'm eating with a shovel.

Here's one of my old drafts: 

I have no idea where I heard "A quiet mind lives in the present" or something similar--I'm pretty certain it was on a sitcom--but it weirdly resonated with me. But, no. My brain doesn't like to be shut off, unless it's been shut down by copious amounts of bourbon, in which case it loves it.

While it's true that the more exercise and activity I see, the better I feel and the more I can accomplish. It's like perpetual motion. My muscles are stronger since partaking in this new "daily exercise" routine and I stand taller. My ass is slightly higher too, and I'd be lying if I said I don't enjoy looking in the mirror and noticing my ass has moved closer to where it's supposed to be as opposed to resting comfortably on the backs of my knees.

But, overall, the laundry gets folded, the trash gets picked up, and I'm more likely to hop up and run upstairs to grab something I want when I want it, rather than making a list of all the things I need on the second floor and finally trudging up the stairs out of necessity.

But a quiet mind? No. I was just folding laundry and had that moment of quiet. I have a list of things I need to do today, both personally and professionally, but I wasn't thinking about any of it. I wasn't thinking about anything. Just folding.

And then I realized I wasn't thinking about anything. The only other times that happens are 1) when I'm super drunk and 2) when I'm utterly exhausted. I'm neither of those things.

(Aside: "The only other times that happens..." That clause right there is a hot mess.)

And then I thought...well, what am I missing? What needs to be cataloged that I'm not cataloging in my brain? What am I going to forget to do today? Hunh...Oh, I need to email that guy about the newsletter and I really need to finalize that web copy today and I have to call that woman about some A/V requests for an upcoming conference...crap I gotta go to the bank and the dog is out of food and you know what? I'm folding only jeans here. I should wear skirts more often. I'll buy some tights this afternoon, and while I'm out I'll pick up a pound of coffee....this shirt has a stain. Do we have any of that rubby-rub stain remover? I'm going to bake some cookies tonight. How much data usage is Groom using when he listens to his sport podcasts?

Aaaah. I was back. Slightly anxious, slightly overwhelmed, and slightly annoyed. Much better.

My mind will never be quiet.