lost in translation

No seitan. I've seen it all over the place, but the one time I want to actually cook it to curb my craving for meat, I can't find it. Granted, I looked only at Shaw's and the local IGA, but the Bath Natural Market was closed and I didn't want to drive all the way to Morning Glory. Instead, I bought a mushroom burger and smeared a bunch of avocado on it. Toast up some whole wheat bread, roast a few string beans, and I was in business.

I realize I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want to eat and then translating it to something I can eat. I should probably treat this like learning a new language. The goal isn't to hear the words, translate them in your head to your native language, and then respond. The goal, when you learn a new language, is to hear the language as it is and respond accordingly. Right now, I'm taking my preferred English and twisting it into some sort of Spanglish.

Instead of craving "meat," I should think about what I want within my new parameters. My friend Mo, who introduced me to seitan, mentioned yesterday that tuna is a good substitute for meat....oh for crying out loud. NOT a substitute for meat, but rather a delicious meal and a delightful treat, filled with protein and Omega 3 and B vitamins and selenium and I'm pretty sure it cures cancer.

That reminds me, I was at a conference a few years ago, having a meal at a churrascaria (dollar) with a gentleman from Australia who had just berated me because I was asking him too many questions about Nauru, a remote island hundreds of miles off the coast of Papua New Guinea. The island was rich on phosphate, thanks to some birds that left behind super guano, and the residents of the island mined the hell out of the place. They made a buttload of money, ate a bunch of fatty imported foods, destroyed the health of their island and their bodies, and it had become this awful wasteland. Here's an article from the New York Times from 1995, but I was talking to this man when they were at the point of full devastation. Judging by the country's website, it looks like they're mining again.

This gentleman from Australia told me in the most condescending and dismissive voice that I need to get out more often, maybe think about traveling more. I'm not sure what he meant by that, but it was very definitely insulting. In response, I widened my eyes and asked him whether it's true the toilets flush backwards "down under."

But, I thought of this today because, as we were eating all that Brazilian meat carved from sticks onto our plates, I said, "Looks like I need to spend a little extra time on the elliptical tomorrow!"

My new Australian friend hissed, "You Americans. So obsessed with food and its relationship to the body."

So, here I am obsessing about what I can eat and about the nutritional benefits of tuna. I had it in my head that tuna is bad. Maybe because I think it's delicious so it must be bad. Maybe all the mercury talk has gotten to me. Maybe because it looks like steak and feels like steak and sort of tastes like steak, I have it in my head that I shouldn't eat it. But, you know what? It's fine. Thanks Mo.

I really appreciate hearing from people who know about food. I like to cook. I like to experiment. And this is an entirely new culinary world for me. I'm excited to think about what I should make for dinner and to learn techniques for adding flavor without adding my favorite flavor-enhancers: butter and bacon.

Now I want a BLT.