Friday, August 17, 2012

Family intervention

My nephew has the energy of a hummingbird. He never stops moving and, come to think of it, I've never actually seen him sleep. So, when he announced, "I'm really tired," I knew we were in trouble.

Today, after a long discussion about what we should do with our day, like maybe sitting on the dock in the sun with a good book (please), my sister and my brother and I (reluctantly) decided today would be a day of activity, especially since I've fallen off the exercise wagon a bit.

My sister and her husband packed up for a hike along Dodge Point while brother Paul and I stuffed ourselves into a couple of kayaks with niece and nephew. We were paddling up the lake and against the current, and although the breeze was fresh, the paddling was nice. Frankly, I prefer a bit of tension on the paddle when I'm in a kayak--I like that little struggle as opposed to calm waters where the paddle can go all higgledy-piggledy. (When I mentioned this at dinner tonight, Groom said quietly into his beer, "You prefer a struggle with everything you do." Oh, we have fun, don't we?)

We were goofing and jousting and pushing and splashing and laughing and paddling. Nephew would paddle out and come back, circle around us, and splash us with the portable bilge pump. My brother steadied both niece's and nephew's crafts with his paddle as they jumped into the water and climbed back up for more padding. It was pure delight.

Then both my brother and I noticed that we could see the end of the lake. A goal! Let's do it!

Niece didn't want to so, of course, we behaved as responsible adults and turned around.

Haha. No we didn't. We hauled her kayak onto a rock near the shore and planted her next to it. "Wait here. We'll be back in 15 minutes," we said.

We three remaining soldiers struggled against the current with that stupid bit of tall light-green marshy grass at the end of the lake just taunting us; it wasn't getting any closer but...still...it was so close.

Eventually we made it to the end, which wasn't nearly as awesome as I had hoped and I actually caught myself thinking "goals are dumb." We turned around to pick up niece who was easily half a mile away now. She announced that we had been gone 40 minutes. To prove it, she showed me her watch, which proved nothing except that I had no right to debate with her since I was 100% without a watch.

We still had a little less than three miles to go before we would be back at my sister's camp.

Things were now starting to suck. The crouton and banana I had eaten for breakfast four hours earlier were no longer sustaining me, and my nephew declared his exhaustion for, I imagine, the first time in his life. Brother and I tethered the kids to our kayaks and dragged them back, all the while talking about what we would eat if we could have anything in the world because that's what people do when they're in life or death situations, right? They talk about the luxuries they enjoyed before their current tragedies. My nephew chose venison.

When he's older, I'm going to insist he put a dollar in the douche tin for that. Venison? He couldn't say "french fries"? Or "ice cream"? He had to choose venison? Show off.

Of course, we made it back to camp in one piece and my sister greeted us at the dock with mini turkey sandwiches and a bag of potato chips. I have never loved a woman more in my life.

This evening, as brother and I celebrated our survival over a couple tall cold ones, I suggested that perhaps I didn't need to exercise tomorrow after today's two-and-a-half hour epic journey. He didn't even skip a beat.

"Yes you do."

I have never hated a man more in my life.

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